FYI, our romantic relationships aren't meant to validate us
Ramblings of a recovering anxiously attatched girl...
For the longest time, I thought I was ready for love. I yearned and pined my ass off. That was until I decided to take a good look at myself.
*Spoiler: I didn’t like what I saw.*
The truth is, the type of person I want wouldn’t even want me yet. They’d want someone more self-sufficient, self-validating, and confident.
And I don’t say this from a place of self-loathing, but one of self-awareness. I’ve got a little more learning, growing, and healing to do.
I was constantly seeking something in my previous partners that I couldn’t find in myself. I wanted them to love me unconditionally when I wasn’t even loving—hell, liking—myself unconditionally.
Society had successfully brainwashed me into believing that that’s what romantic relationships are for. To make you feel whole and worthy.
But you’ll quickly learn when entering a romantic partnership that it only shines a spotlight on your weak spots. It amplifies those unchecked feelings of unworthiness.
That shit will rear its ugly head as soon as you don’t get texted back quickly enough. Or whenever your boo decides they wanna start acting a little funny.
Suddenly, it feels like they changed their mind about that validation they gave you before. Now you’re scrambling to show them your worth so that they’ll make you feel like somebody again.
That’s why so many people are hanging on to relationships that ultimately make them feel like shit.
Despite being unhappy, they believe ‘belonging to someone’ is better than being alone. They’d rather be miserable with someone else than learn to be happy on their own.
It’s desperation in one of its purest forms—grasping for even a crumb of someone else’s affection and admiration.
No matter how inauthentic. No matter how performative. Any bare-minimum effort will do.
Bleak, right? That’s why we all need to learn self-love.
It’s part of the foundation that protects us from people who are a poor fit for us at the very least and preying on our weaknesses at the worst.
Now that I’ve embarked on my journey of self-love, growth, and healing, I realize why my previous relationships never could’ve worked.
And what’s more? The people I used to be down bad for could never pull the me I am today.
So, if you one of my exes, no the fuck you ain’t. You ain’t fuck Nicki, you fucked Nicole body.
Anyway, I’m out y’all.
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Wow. I resonated with ALL of this. Thank you for writing and sharing something so raw and vulnerable. It shows so much power.
This was something I learned on my ten-year celibacy journey. I realized that I didn’t even love the versions of myself that I was showcasing to the world, despite having this raw desire to be loved unconditionally.
Self love is a medicine that will empower you in ways you will truly see yourself and reclaim yourself in ways you didn’t and grow to love.
Many blessings to you as you continue this self-love journey and power reclamation. 💋
This part right here ⬇️
“And what’s more? The people I used to be down bad for could never pull the me I am today. “
🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽 yasss I feel this! Self love in the foundation. Thank you so much for writing this. Really spoke to me 🙏🏽